I made up my mind to choose me and my dignity and not fall weak this time. Unlike the last time, we mend our differences, we managed to fill the gaps. We built a world for our own, no one to judge no one to interfere. A hidden yet a secluded world We called our own. I loved that even when it was so hard to be true.
I do miss our long talks, our calls without any reasons, our texts to share every lil things in our day to day life. From morning greetings till the night stretch before sleep. Until one fine day you choose an alternative without intimating for adapting.
The friendship in me would always want happiness for you, but how am I supposed to make my jealousness to subside, knowing those mornings are no longer just for me, those night chats are not exclusives. Every life events are been updated to someone else and just not to me. How am I still so cool about it, and can't get leverage to feel jealous about you being shared.
Something I called my own, something that meant to me the most, I have to act so cool knowing one day you shall share a bed and may be all the comfort you had with me, you will have the nights you miss her and just not me. With our insecurities piling over, you had no justification but a vague reaction , why should I even have such thoughts.
We were never supposed to be exclusive, we were never to mend to be together on first place, but didn't We, then why such differences and making me feel am just another friend who need to accept you having any new in your life and I need not have to be updated at all.
I hold back to make your life easy, as you always played the victim card, you being so weak and me strong. You have to take the burden of your family as I have none. You allowed to worry and alone time, while I cannot even react. You can just walk out of my life and I still act cool and stand by you as your own. Sorry what do you call, 'good friends' so easy for you to just change the tags.
This restlessness, this emptiness wakes me for nights so long, poor mind unaware to find a skip out. Wish my heart wasn't so fool and it grew stronger before it waits and waits till it get tired one fine day. May be that's the day i stop standing watching and waiting for a text, may be it be the morning greetings, or the meal updates just a talk that makes me belief you still think about me.
May be not the way I do, but someday you may miss me, may not the way I feel for you, but somewhere closer to someone special you may have lost, in the fear of uncomplicating your life, in making a space for someone new, you just throw that one person who stood by you, even when you didn't wish for one. Your guide, your assistant, your partner in crime.
Your every wish was fulfilled as if I turned to be ginnie , so I knew I shall be then trapped in that lamp. I would have never begun the first wish, the first kiss. Who knew it would turn so addicting, I would end up fallen on my knee. Regretting to drop down my wall, should have been the same old person who have been known to be the ruthless and fierless. Wish I was not thought from my heart but let the mind do it's work.
No matter how you left me with this discomfort, I can't forget the way you made me feel special, for every day you tried going out of the way, with the lil time you had and the money you could shed. I appreciate for the efforts when you went out of the way to make me feel your someone. I may be hurt of how things ended, but won't ever say, I am sorry for I ever met you.
I won't ever regret over that part, may be you were just till this page of my book called life. And I have to patiently waiting for the page to end and may have other page to begin and bring forth some adventure. May be or may not be, that surely time shall tell what's in the next page till then standing at the corner of the window , watching the stars and moon, hoping you might wish one night, why did I not stop her from walking my life. What would have life turned if I had chose her and not a safe option. What if I had faced the challenges, what if I had hold when she ran? What if I was still in her arms, what if?
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