Choice

After the dark phase, after lot of fuss,
got to hear something better, some improvement,
cant explain but feel some relief, like some of the burden is been removed
Although the things are going wrong and nothing the way thought,
still something not more bad, that's what matters to me.

Tired all time, weeping and being all silent, hiding the feelings,
hiding all the secrets within the deep dark heart.
Never knew what I urged badly for, but this time something that is heavy in this heart.

Have so many questions to ask for? wanting to get answers to everything,
to know was my heart again wrong, another mistake.
But this time had never felt misguided, had been safely taking my steps,
was afraid of again falling down badly.

But then when things started getting worst and everyone stepped back,
I felt all alone standing there and facing the angry faces with thousand questions,
whose been pushing all questions and blaming all on me.
All that i couldn't ever get why only me, was i the only person to get involved,
then why just my character, my identity was been questioned.

I was been put into various situations, some stressful and pressurized,
all wanted to know was it just another fun for the time span.
No one ready to understand that the situation went worst cause of the reaction,
and things would only get better if handled with care.

From the time I heard about his sufferings and his decision of ending up his life,
That's just another phase i was into fire, wondering to be unlucky for everyone,
and being the reason for everyone's sadness.

Never knew the value of relations nor others feelings except mine,
but this time its different, i am able to see the pain of others, the pain cause of me.
How could i be insensitive this time, when i never wished for any of them.
But this time i am blamed comparing my past.

I may be really not good for anyone, cause i can't be with anyone for life.
My life is just another piece of chess, where i keep changing my steps,
no idea where to reach just walking somewhere.

With time i grew up much early, starting from my home,
where i had to understand situations before my age.
Later came into relation that lasted for ages than i have thought for,
never can take the credit for anything, cause i was always passive player.
But even there took all my understanding as much as possible,
and tried to work out with the relation.

Got into diversion everytime, somewhere may be i needed somehow
to run away from this understanding, to do without thinking,
to live life for me, to be for me.
But even there i choose wrong medium and got into more troubles,
and so did landed others into problems.

Again now left with choices still not getting which one to choose,
cause this time its just not amongst two person, but whole family involved.
Can't just fool over and move out of the relation like i generally do,
nor can i move over the relation, cause i can see what happened after moving over.

Don't know what to do with my family, their trust and belief over me,
how to ignore them and move out with my life my way.
Cause i don't wanna repeat the same mistake that have happened earlier,
can't step ahead without turning behind.

Still out of everything, think about that one person,
who hold hands all the time, in trials and troubles.
And repent over the things i did to him,
have been always bad with him, still he been so good with him.
He is ready to leave everything for me, remove away his part of life for me,
for my happiness and my bright future.

I am afraid today, what to do?
Cause i myself complicated things so badly that its hard to simplify.
Wondering all over what to do and what not to.
This is for sure that i have to get with some decision finally,
before lose everything that may be still with me.

Wished i never thought out of the box,
and had been with small thought and small little wishes.
But now its very late, have to be with some decision.
Have to make my choice for life.