Bad Dream..

These days even my dreams are angry with me,
eitherways there is no dreams and if there are, those are bad scary ones..
Waking up in the middle of night and weep for being alone and helpless,
can't even do anything but regret of my own deed..

Today was the worst, when i woke up and cried heavily,
wanted someone to be near me, pamper me, give me warm hug, hold me tight..
I imagined the one person who gave that, whom i lost badly..
Felt her warmth, her love, her care and concern..
the way she used to hold me and console me, when i got scared..

Like always felt to speak with closed ones,
called the only person whom i call in happiness and sorrows..
Had one hope of getting any console from him,
the way he used to pamper me, hold me tight, try to do anything to make me sleep again..

But this time, i didnt felt anything,
no attachment, no feelings left, no sense of love and care..
Can't even demand for anything, cause its me for lost them,
its my own fault for losing these two important people..

The dream was nothing related to them,
but then i felt what they might be feeling..
In that dream, there was a stranger who came by undecided,
with fear i and my mom accepted him, gave him shelter and food to eat..
And later he destroyed my home by backstabbing my mom,
along with some people rushing towards me, with greed for me..

I could feel the pain of breaking trust, and then ruining my whole home..
And then not enough but then rushing towards me wanting to take away some more of my life..
I felt the exact feeling what i made my dear ones to feel..
By breaking their trust, and later took away their own loved ones..

I couldn't even see in dreams, my mom getting with the pain..
for something she had done nothing..
And without any reason getting towards me and wanting to destroy me..

I feel so disaster, so with grief..
Can't explain, but don't know where it would end..
But feel God want to punish me by his own ways..
I swear i am feeling heavier day by day..
Feeling lost away time by time..