Power to Destroy you

Feels free and yet tied, 

That silent knot tied even with this alone phase

After ages got so alone without anyone around , just silence and peaceful surrounding

After too much of chaos,  too much hatred, too much violence

Yet something feels out of order

Knowing it's a phase where I need to gather myself and grow stronger and firm to be back alone,

Still waiting for this stupid heart to stop feeling all this avalanche inside me,

Yet also reached that phase , where I need not prove myself anymore

May the world call me characterless , I know what i have been searching my whole life, there goes a time when he said or can say cursed i may never find love in my life. 

Honestly I don't think I would now ever open my heart to anyone, I kept begging over and over again hoping i dont get into this zone of robot, shrewd character , which knows to earn money and use brains, throw away all thoughts suggested by stupid heart.

After all isn't it that the main cause of problem on first go, to prove someone i kept going to eden garden , eating the forbidden apples and now like eve i deserve my punishment.

I agree , am unlucky in love, I may never 2wnt to ever get myself in this state of feeling stupid and selfless . Even after so much hatred and naming all sorts, still i dont know why i still wait at that doorstep hoping for him to return back and get back to old days.

My forever fear with him was if I never try he may never even try once  I know its wrong , i should know its mere dragging days , but how to get this heart strong,  I wish I had never met him, never trusted him, never loved him so unconditionally . I would have preferred to be friends than this known strangers

I never cheated him even once,  and he kept doubting every minute even when i have always kept everything so transparent . I agree i never disclosed my past  cause I knew he won't ever understand why my steps were taken, I wasn't desperate for physical pleasure but just wanted to be loved and it made me take decisions i am not proud of. 

Yet i own every decisions of my life, doesn't mean he had to judge me now , he knew me , my lifestyle and still he didn't see all the changes i made in me, for him, for us.

And even after everything i did, he still doubts and keep degrading by naming the worst possible names one may not give to their enemy also, sometimes I feel it wouldn't have happened if I didn't gave him that space , that right for destroying me this level

I got so engrossed with him , my whole life turned around him and he don't trust me,  even after loving this unconditionally,  it's so true never love someone , be with someone who loves you more than you can love him. Or else you give them that power to destroy you shatter your heart in millions.