Cant Quit..!!

“I want to quit!” this statement kept popping in my mind everytime I go to bed without finding any solution to the problem I am facing. Everytime I gather courage to fight with my problems and get out with it proudly, but everytime I find nothing but another failure.

I am saying to myself that I would get recovered today and would get into track once again, where my life had stopped from last four months. Where I used to run with the world to achieve success at every ladder to accomplishing my goals, where I poured out everything I had to reach a place where I can say myself and everyone who doubted, to prove my dad wrong that I am not his bad failed child, I am not that girl who is in this world only to be homemaker or to grow a child, but can think ahead of it and competent with the world.

I could have reached one more step ahead, until when suddenly I was identified with pain in my shoulder which was normal in my life as it’s been there from ages, but didn’t realized it could change my life upside down.

This normal pain have been growing in my body from shoulder to my hands to my fingers, which is just a slow poison spreading and killing my self-confidence, making me think twice for everything I believed till date.

I had always hated doctors for most of the doctors whom I met no offense have done nothing better than try and error and fooled around with time and money. I had made my mind to never visit doctor until it’s out of my control, and today’s date I am a dodge ball whose been thrown from one court to another. I can call myself a gini pig tested by all doctors and all possible medicines.

After fourth month, I am standing in a position where I must have gone through almost all possible test available by medical profession but without any clue for the root cause. So is my career where no one would be in position to comment on my future, everything very blur without any proper base to step ahead!

This may what is called testing phase, those hours of waiting, several failed trials, rejections, no proper base nothing, just standing in a place quietly and unaware about tomorrow and the next movement.

“When you think of quitting think what made you start!” every time I decide to quit this phrase kept echoing in my head, not letting me just give up and quit. But pushing me to give another try with a hope there would be a rock that’s still untouched, it’s just a matter of trying to touch every stone seen.

Every time I burst into tears, in the middle of argument between mind, my heart comfort me to give another try with a single hope of getting better and starting from the scratch, knowing the reality of life that no matter things not right now but it would end soon, for after every dark night there comes bright day better than yesterday in the path of tomorrow.