Am i your daughter???

Am I your own daughter?? A query around my head all these years…

Entire life and still several trials for proving that I am his good girl…

Adjusted and scarified what you assumed to be wrong, We are human and we are made to be around other human being, Still you made every attempt to make me away from all those people..

I understand you are afraid for there are bad people in this world, But I always wished from the core of my heart that you had trust on me, For I may not be perfect but had some sense of knowledge to segregate from what is right and wrong..

You should have had that confidence that I would have come to you if I had some troubles in my life and I needed your support…

But unfortunately you made me fear to get closer to you, for more than the world I was afraid to speak out myself to you, as you have never had faith in me…

No matter I achieved everything that my age person would achieve, but I know you never had been proud of me..

For I have been longing to hear from you, how proud you were with me over my achievements which other people of my age dreamt of,

But i guess you never counted me as your own, whom you could have been proud of..

I know you are a very busy person and surely in this busy schedule of life it is very difficult to remove time to their loved ones,

But I guess even when you had time and chance you preferred to spent time with your so called friends who had no better intentions but to use you and your network.

We at this age could see that those are not your well wishers and you had blindly trust on those ones, and still couldn’t build a bit of faith on me…

Great people says that time heals everything and so do people change, but don’t you know everything changes, even I…

My patience also have its limits and my time heals my pain for you, even with time I had made up my mind that you don’t just care about me and your family…

You had confidence that you would have no one in life in your older days when you would need someone and may be hence you were busy gathering good friends to be with…

But how could you understand that family are the only people in entire life whom without your expectation would stand by you when you need, would take care of you however you are, and would never leave you alone

We have and would always accept you the way you are, no matter how much ever we get irritated with your behavior, how much ever it hurts, still we cant take anyone talking bad about you.

Why did you wasted those moments when we needed you, why were you not with us when we needed you the most?

I wish you had known our importance much early, for the pain that you caused unknowingly have remained in my heart as a scar which is hard to eliminate, its cause of you I have hard time in trusting people.

Even with time I would step with a person whom I would call life partner, with whom I would share my sadness and happiness, with whom I would share my love and my soul, even I would have my family, my children..

But then what have you taught me, to be with friends, not to give time to family, not to allow your children fly with their wings, infact cut their wings before they even fly, hold them inside walls and not them explore anything with a fear of letting them get hurt.

Its life in the end, no matter how ever we stop, we cant stop everything as it’s the fact of the life, everyone would have to face joy and sorrow, no matter they are ready or not.

They say that we get punishment of our deeds in this life itself, but what have I done that I had to face from the beginning of my early days of life, you have no clue but it has taken away my innocence childhood, even when I didn’t wanted I got mature more than of my age. I couldn’t enjoy my childhood for you had some different plans.

When every child used to run to their family sharing about their experiences, their first experience in their life, I was standing there all alone, I was left alone in those four walls which you call home. But isn’t home called where there is love and people who are there for each others.

You never gave me a true meaning of marriage for you were busy in quarreling with mom over silly things, but you never bothered to notice that it took away our faith over marriage with time. Lost the trust that there is someone who can stand by you for the other part of your life, whom you can love and start your new life.

Before love you added grudge, hatred, insecure in me, where even if I want to I am unable to trust anyone. Where I have a fear that they wont be forever, for even if they act good in the beginning they would turn different after a while, they wont be there by you when you need someone, you would be left alone in those memorable days when you dreamt of beautiful things. Even when I have lot of love within me, I am helpless and stand behind those four walls all alone and with empty hands.

You have no idea dad, but you have ruined my entire life!!!

When I read my old days books, I find nothing but pain and wait.. Longing for you, your love and your time, but I got nothing but pain and emptiness.

Guess what I had been waiting even now for getting back my dad, for I had still lil hopes of some change in you, for you might understand me someday, my scarifies for you and your happiness, without asking much but your love and time.

But don’t you take me for granted as everything has a limit and as even life is never for ever, even my patience getting to the brim, my expectations from you have died somewhere long time back, and now even my patience for you.

Don’t take me wrong I would always love you, as I cant change my heart, as I am helpless about that, but I wont forgive what you have taken away from me.

You can only get my forgiveness by not giving me loads of money or any worldy things but only with your love and time that I have been begging from you my entire life I remember.

For you have done everything to lose your respect from my eyes, as even now after all these years if I have to prove that I am your daughter, I am left with nothing, nothing for giving you, not even a belief, for I am not a puppet, nor someone outsider who have to keep proving to be your child, your own daughter.

And if I have to keep proving that then my question remains the same my entire life, am I your own daughter??? Have you ever taken me your child for you need proof entire life that I am yours and yours daughter only.

Strange we need proof for love, but isn’t it a feeling and cannot be showed but expressed, and if you never got it from me, I am even doubting on myself, am I your daughter, your good daughter that you wanted your life, my every effort my every scarifies for your smile, for you to be proud of me.

Strange isn’t it????