I wanted this blog to be read and heard,
and may be this is the very reason why i have mentioned all the happenings in my life, from the day of the occurings.
May be the only way where i can speak out my side thoughts,
the hidden feelings of mine which is unheard and unspoken.
I have not been cheating everyone, agreed that i lied and hid to few people and it is the biggest ever mistake of my life.
But for whom i lied i was honest and fair, i had showed the very face of mine.
The bad side of me and also had been very clear about the mindset of life.
Although i was cheated, when i came to know that the person just judged me,
and on top cant ever believe for the fact, he used me for his own benefits.
The worst ever happening in my life is to accept that, after trusting this one person,
he gave me to another person for his benefits, and that person speak out on public to enjoy me.
Wow, such a cheat, but then no one would ever understand what i am facing and feeling,
cause i was the one who went ahead and crossed the boundaries made by me.
Another worst feeling when people say it was me who is responsible,
and i was the only person who brought about fire and ruined many people's life.
I influenced the person to break the rules,
but how much i remember, i was not the one, it was he who made me to break my rules,
who encouraged me to do something unfair and not proper to the world.
Then why have i to be the only one to be responsible,
why have me to get isolated from the normal life and people involved.
Strange that the other person is back to his life and all the same people is normal with him.
It was his another great step that turned my life upside down,
and then i was again answerable for everything and was forced to take away the responsibility for everything that happened.
Why?? Did i asked him to take such steps?
Anyways that's gone, it has wiped away with time,
but the scar wont ever meet,
earlier i was lil rigid and closed, now atleast i have become harsh to the core.
And forget about entertaining people, i am least interested in indulging in social life.
No one would understand what i am feeling right now,
when people see me with that bad and grudge eye.
But even worst when one person whom i cheated and lied,
is still with me and stand by me, although face the worst condition than me.
Kills me lil more inside with the fact, i ruined his normal life for my enjoyment,
and even after all that i have done, he didn't utter a word.
He can't be same anymore, nor can he trust me or accept me,
but am atleast happy for the fact, when and where he wants to remove his frustration cause of me or related to me.
I am there, although it hurts me badly and sometime uncontrollable,
but may be that's something i can do to repent for what i did to him.
And with a hope that one fine day everyone be back in my life.
Till then here goes the days, the moments, without any cherish or urge.
With the burden of guilt and loneliness.
May be thats what i am worthy of.
and may be this is the very reason why i have mentioned all the happenings in my life, from the day of the occurings.
May be the only way where i can speak out my side thoughts,
the hidden feelings of mine which is unheard and unspoken.
I have not been cheating everyone, agreed that i lied and hid to few people and it is the biggest ever mistake of my life.
But for whom i lied i was honest and fair, i had showed the very face of mine.
The bad side of me and also had been very clear about the mindset of life.
Although i was cheated, when i came to know that the person just judged me,
and on top cant ever believe for the fact, he used me for his own benefits.
The worst ever happening in my life is to accept that, after trusting this one person,
he gave me to another person for his benefits, and that person speak out on public to enjoy me.
Wow, such a cheat, but then no one would ever understand what i am facing and feeling,
cause i was the one who went ahead and crossed the boundaries made by me.
Another worst feeling when people say it was me who is responsible,
and i was the only person who brought about fire and ruined many people's life.
I influenced the person to break the rules,
but how much i remember, i was not the one, it was he who made me to break my rules,
who encouraged me to do something unfair and not proper to the world.
Then why have i to be the only one to be responsible,
why have me to get isolated from the normal life and people involved.
Strange that the other person is back to his life and all the same people is normal with him.
It was his another great step that turned my life upside down,
and then i was again answerable for everything and was forced to take away the responsibility for everything that happened.
Why?? Did i asked him to take such steps?
Anyways that's gone, it has wiped away with time,
but the scar wont ever meet,
earlier i was lil rigid and closed, now atleast i have become harsh to the core.
And forget about entertaining people, i am least interested in indulging in social life.
No one would understand what i am feeling right now,
when people see me with that bad and grudge eye.
But even worst when one person whom i cheated and lied,
is still with me and stand by me, although face the worst condition than me.
Kills me lil more inside with the fact, i ruined his normal life for my enjoyment,
and even after all that i have done, he didn't utter a word.
He can't be same anymore, nor can he trust me or accept me,
but am atleast happy for the fact, when and where he wants to remove his frustration cause of me or related to me.
I am there, although it hurts me badly and sometime uncontrollable,
but may be that's something i can do to repent for what i did to him.
And with a hope that one fine day everyone be back in my life.
Till then here goes the days, the moments, without any cherish or urge.
With the burden of guilt and loneliness.
May be thats what i am worthy of.
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