Ruined everything

I have ruined everything, I have dropped everything by my own hands, the little happiness that was with me and I used to live happily cause of them, I have lost everything, because I have spoiled everything.

Now that I have ruined everything and I am now aware that its cause of me I have spoiled many lives attached with me, I have no more love and affection with myself. I feel disgusting even when I think how could I have done this. I was knowing this well in advance that the consequences are worst than what happened now, but still I went ahead with the path which dropped me now in such a state where I am not knowing where should I move, and what should I do, am I even having anymore any right of asking with some right, am I having any right of asking someone to trust me cause I have simply dumped their trust into ashes.

I was so happy to get something that I always craved for, I was even living with the things I always urged for. Then why did I spoiled everything, why did I asked more from my life. Now that I would say it was unintentional it is all wrong and I have no ways any right to even say that. I am dumb but I cant be such an asshole that I would have not realized even once whom have I cheated on.