Value the absence

You kept me so intact all these days when I was all alone.
You made sure I was not feeling lonely.
You gathered my broken pieces and kept it intact .

You promises all this while for being with me forever and so not done.
You cheated, you left me like this.
You knew I will be by you too just like you were there .
Or were you doubting and needed proof.

I might not be good in consoling  ..
Sugar coating and all ..
But I will be there by you, or atleast near by not letting you left out.

We planned so much for weekend.
We were to celebrate our one month.
What yaar, you were so keen to take break from me.
Don't forget you can't run away so easily .

I missed you ever since the day you have given me such heart taking news.
Our songs our memories our places just with me in my mind.
You not around for waking me at night still there is no sleep in my eye.
Just hearing all our songs, some really pierced me and heart.

I even made some sketches for the time i meet you , hoping that will keep you intact when am not around .
You also must be waiting to see me.
But I wanted you to be around your family more, hoping they will take more care .

Your absence is making me feel empty,
Feel helpless as I am just your friend and hospital won't ever understand us.  Never mind like always whenever you go without me and miss me.

This trip I missed alot . Hoped all was a bad dream and wake up. Everyone around was happy, there were food drinks great music , happiness all around still emptiness all over.

Your absence mattered alot, as I missed alot, the side seat which was always for you was empty as someone decided to ditch and lie on hospital bed.

Hope you recover soon.

Peeling the layers

"Hello baccha, I want to meet you ", this statement is going in my mind from the time I knew you lying on that horrible bed i hate the most.

Realizing your family would be near you, your family would be figgiting with your phone and seen my name saved by you .

Hoping you have deleted our pics , hoping they didn't knew your password, hoping they didn't bothered like you always said .

I am finding it so hard to come today knowing the fact your wife and children would be around you. I don't care what others think of me, but I want them to be there by you more than anyone. I know it's me who relief your pain your stress but they are your family right. How can we neglect that.

There were so many sequence going on my mind. Your brother asking me , yesterday itself, are you his baccha? And how could you? Why are you with him?

And more worried it will break your children's heart. My daddy is wanting another person to be part of his life . Who have got more value than his own wife. Their eyes staring at me with those betrayal feeling.

Even if they didn't see your phone , m sure they might see it in my eyes like you always said. Is this why you did all of it for not going to that stupid get together so that no one sees in our eyes .

How can someone emotionally connect with each other so strongly? I still don't know how can it happen. People of different generation still think so alike, feel so alike, love so alike.

Honestly even if they know I cared about you , not me. I would have said,'I will hear from him, if he says I should leave I shall the very moment '. And yes am his baccha , that person whom you didn't get the space in his heart .

Today morning I got call from your brother sharing all update of you, getting into sense having your cup of tea and also going on liquid diet. And most important your family is here and they are in distress from yesterday .

May be you were wrong they did love you, May be they do care for you too just the way you do. May be it's all misunderstanding and now with this incident all will clean the slate and start from scratch. And there shall be happy ending.

I will always pray for your happiness and what's right for you . Hope this terrible incident bear good fruits in return . But SHAAN what ever it is always remember ,'I will be there by you ' . Somewhere in corner also but near by you , just like you said 5mtr far. Get well soon Dear can't see you this way.

Hum aapke hai kaun?

Today I realized the value of labelling.
Tagging everyone to a relation .
When you are asked several times , who are you to him?
And out of the avalanche in my heart I was trying to find this answer from my mind.
What should I tell them? Who am I really?
They knew only two relation- family and friends .
How to tell them you always valued your friends more than anyone.  Or how your family valued you in their life. How to name our this complicated relation .
All that I told to those hospital people ,'a friend. How it hurt my heart, can't really explain .
After waiting for hours from day to evening when I finally got chance to come near to you . I was so worried how i will react , how it will break my heart to see you there , to feel helpless, to put mask in front of everyone not letting know what am going through .
Luckily they heard my prayers, only one per visitor. I hold my breath and walked towards you as and with time closer my steps truly turned heavy. I prayed whole time for him and now i prayed that it's all a dream and i wake up.
We just had a dream sequence like he always said then why this had to happen, why lord?
The moment I saw his bed I was without words, seeing his bruise face , bleeding Ears, scratched body , torn lips.
But also i saw him sleeping peacefully. It gave me a peace in corner atleast he will rest for a good time, May be now his family will come closer to him, May be they might know the value of head of family.
I stood by you with that flower that I brought for you and a rosary all the while. I hold your hand and called you by your name. You always noticed I never called you by name , here your wish is fulfilled.
I called my heart for you, for you to just open your eyes for once and for once recognize me. May be just like other days i turned your tiredness with my magical wand . But I failed you were lying in front of me and I was helpless.
I was standing quietly by you holding you, rubbing your hands , I even brushed your hair with my fingers .
I told you later I am going like i do , and you tried opening your eyes , and said Why? Mad you! Even with lil of the vision you got you responded the very statement you hate the most . And out of all silence I burst to laughter. Hold you more tightly with a smile on face .
When I was staring you sleeping like a baby, someone came by. He seemed to be curious about me, looked like your brother.  I got my hands from yours still looked at you, still played with that tag they put on your wrist with your name on it.
He asked again same question I had no answer, who am I? This time I said ,' Close friend '. He didn't mind a bit so didn't me. We both were by you, he brought shorts for you . Funny you were half naked and I was just covering you with the blanket with blood stains surely not letting those nurse get some views.
He made me go out, I looked at you for once with deep breath and left the place .
Satish was waiting for his chance got him pass from your niece and one another from your brother and got again chance to pop close to you . Let him and few more people to see you and again walked to you to say ?"bye for now".
How important is it to say,' who am i' ? May be then they would have left me inside for longer or even allowed to stay for the night and meet you during the odd hours . Just be there by you, waiting for the time you opened your eyes and recognized me and called my name for once touching my face assuring everything will be alright .
May be another long wait for another time another day. Why did you do? Why did you only prayed for me and not you. And how come God heard your prayer and not mine, I had asked him to take care of you , to give you all happiness you deserve .
Really maindak who am I to you? Can we explain to others , can we?

Pierced heart

You are very bad and selfish person.
As you were riding your life at such speed you forgot you not alone.
You never bothered to think how hard is it to see you there in that condition .
Even worse to feel helpless and unaware what to do.
Always a thought to try everything to make things right .

Wishing to have power to turn back the time and not let this incident occur .
Like pillor I would stand and cover you from all the trials and troubles.  Where all this while it was you who covered me from my troubles.
It was my wish to go first no matter it's on that stupid bed you lying without any senses.

Do you realise how it feels to stand quietly. Especially when doctor and nurses ask to label our relation .
What to say what am I to you. Who are you to me. I was surely broken deep within.

Felt knife pierced inside when you didn't even responded when I stood by you . You didn't heard your name.  You didn't even felt anything when I hold you hands .

You didn't have sense to even realize there were so many of us who really cared for you .

Wanted to slap you for not taking care of yourself.  It was mere while back we were talking when everything was alright. Till I speak with you and know your condition it's gonna be tough night .

You couldn't stand back a day without meeting now what ?
Didn't you get how M I gonna feel.

Feel like punching and slapping for yoyr behaviour . That stupid hospital also didn't let me be for more than it's visiting hour as they say m not your family. Really .??

There were so many of them wanting to see you and all that I did was stood by you seeing your face so broken. Scratches all the places I could see. Ears bleeding, blood stains felt through your noes , worst was your lips. How could I tell how it felt so bad.

You didn't even feel a bit when that nurse came by you and injected calling you your name . I was hoping for once you open your eyes and see . Know that am around you and everything will be alright . You not alone .

Your brother didn't like me waking you. I was there by you holding your cold fingers. Hoping you hold me back firmly.

I wished to be by you whole time till you get discharged . Heard your family was traveling to come to you . Somewhere I was happy that you won't be alone . But also feared to come closer to you when they around . Knowing the fact I was just a friend someone hospital won't encourage. 11amto 1pm and 6 to 8pm. That's the time when I can get lil chance to peep even keeping in mind if someone wants to get their chance to meet you .

When all that while you prayed for my happiness my wishes my concern.  You went off the track that even god forgot for a while.

You know I brought along something.  Got a handkerchief with my smell of veronica and me. You remember the white flower had a bud along, it bloomed . I hid away from doctor and the checking guys.  But you were so in deep sleep . I realised I troubled you all these weeks in my troubles.  Didn't cared of your health your mind set. Sorry for not understanding.

Get well soon my love. Can't see you in pain. Wasn't fair when you gave all the prayers to me. You truly deserve better. Be get well soon.

One of my own

It takes forever to know anyone , but a moment for someone of your own.
Own likes and dislikes, our perception towards life and people, our understanding towards each other's. Your heart tells you and simply accept the person in your heart and life.

One can't do anything to avoid this no matter how hard you try it to be away from the person . If he or she is meant to knock your closed door, no one in the world can avoid that happening.

One turn to be that wind , you know you gonna get blown with it ., drenched with sudden rain. Still you wanna stand in centre with arms wide open, welcoming with whole heart.

You are one of my kind, someone you knew and hoped existed . Just got into your life unexpected knowing you gonna fall .

You Drive me Crazy

Your smell drives me crazy, its a dope for a drug addict.
Your smell thrives me to stay closer to you everytime you around me.
Wanting to run towards you, let you hold me in your arms so firm, makes me feel so secure.
Wanting me to rub over my fingers over your face, so gentle .. so soft...
Wanting me to touch your face with my lips without skipping an inch..
Just like a wanderer in its journey, I just want to keep finding new about you..
Want you to hold me so tight, not letting me be away from you even by an inch...
Drives me even more crazy when you roll your fingers over my body..so gently not letting me feel your rough fingers.
Your warm breath just increases my heart beats and halts the moment.
Just wish this moment halts forever, urging me to let you go deeper and deeper..
You give me goosebumps just like current, over and over again... wanting just like a strong drug.. so tempting so eager...

LIVING RELATIONSHIP IN INDIA

A new phase of relation after getting into a relation and before getting into the bond of marriage, where two people choose to stay together to know each other better. To understand each others likes and dislikes, habits and lifestyles and with time deciding to move ahead this relation to marriage.
So strange where you dont have exact name, where people find it hard to digest the fact that two person can stay together before marriage. Probably the only difference would be that if you like that person you dont mind he is in any sort of relation, you accept him with all flaws. Perhaps if you dislike that person you end up taunting for even good habits of his. Anyways thats the harsh fact of life cant really change the perception of any individual.
With more relation getting broken so quickly it is somewhere needed to spent time with each other before getting into the bond of marriage, not that one has to get into living relation, but somewhere its true that for once you can fool a person by meeting for an hour or two but not when you actually stay together. This is why our family knows about us the most, your minute habits- probably its your snoring or your lazy habits with regards to cleaning, your extra time during your royal shower or may be nature's call with never forgetting smell that can burn ones noes hair.
Once you stay with a person you surely get to know the harsh truth of a person, may be for months things go smoothly and you still live in the fairy land, but when you have to manage every little duty -right from the rent bill to the phone bills, maid bills to electricity bill, your shopping habits would then convert to grocery time, where all the time your eyes would search is anything that you might need at home. Easy to Cook meals are you best friend especially two minutes Maggie noodles and its category, cause though you are staying together like husband and wife but the major difference is that neither of you are bound to take all the responsibility. Both can prepare food or wash clothes or utensils, its just not the girl who takes all those chores headache.
Perhaps with time you actually realize one thing, though your house is the best house of all your other friends group as you end to be in middle of bachelors and married couples, for you have your fridge full of alcohols, your house lightnings are just like a lounge , with loud music players and all that one need to rock the house party. But you would always have a mixed group of married couples being very sober in front of their partners or bachelors wishing for match fixing. Their best topic in every meet is when are you marrying and eager to self invite for all the undecided marriage party.
When you are introduced to new person, you are more than a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You actually get to hear new names and the best common accepted name in the society is 'FIANCE' for Christ sake, just cause people dont understand this living relation concept so get yourself tied up without any celebration. Some of the relations these days are just for short span and both are alright with the fact, they also have not much issues with double dating in future. Then why ruin the value of such bonded relation, confusing at times.
When anyone's parents calls or come for short visit or stay, their only concern in every conversation would be society and their drama of how its difficult to answer people of this nameless relation and when can we shut their mouth. They are ok if you agree for atleast engagement and waiting for another year or two, but this living relation concept is hard to digest fact. But its alright we really cannot explain our elders at times of every decision of ours. Sometimes its better to keep our mouth shut and remain silent for future.
One another strange fact, irrespective everyones aware that when the individual is one of the untidiest person ever met, but when you are in living relation the house must be neat and tidy like that of our married house, and the lady is answerable and blamed for the neatness level of room. Strange isnt it, why is it necessary for a lady to make sure the house is neat or not. Isnt it both responsible for handling the house? You name the poor lady without knowing the truth, however you try its always both whose responsible for the good and bad.
But somewhere the old sayings, when you get habit of something its difficult to get out of the habit. If this relation turns fruitful and gets into marriage- it either turns into smooth relation for life as you already been with the person earlier and know about him. Perhaps if you end the relation to get out of the habits and the used-to feel, very difficult and hard to digest. You get attached to even an animal and its hard to get out of the attachment so cant explain how hard it can be from a person you have been staying with.
And the worst part is you dont have a name for the relation and you cant really explain people of how its more difficult, for once you can move out of a boyfriend girlfriend relation but living is even harder for your used to habit almost kills you from within. For your daily routines is so used to him that it takes more time and more pain than other times. On top people see you in different way for they know about your living relation and they either wants to give sympathy on you or wants you to give them chance to allow them in your life.
One confusing relation with its pros and cons, nothing to name or expect much perhaps its on individual to individual of what he wants from life and a relation. With the bond one gets its own strength to handle the harsh taunts from society and wont regret or repent on itself for its own decision.