One Reason to be Here....

I have been writing all these blogs,
not for anything , but just and just for me.
There are many other places, right from some blank pages in my diary,
but then what is the use of remaining in darkness,
when i could be the ray of light in somebody's life.
Always kept hiding my face from everyone,
could never express my feelings to anyone.
All that happened was misconception about me in the minds of people.
This might be the first time when i would be able to express to all.
Let it be my voice or my words but it would be always be ME..
I hope this time i would be able to express myself and the true me,
without any manipulation but pure concentration,
helping me to be with my true face...

I Miss Your Presence..

I miss your presence
How could anyone be as special as you are to me?

How someone could be loved so much, how someone could be as unforgettable as you are.

When I look back in my life it’s just you everywhere. Your smiles are still new to my senses; your eyes are still the most addictive eyes ever. Every moment that I spent with you has become a reason of living.

The every single word you said to me is a beautiful rhyme for me. The every single step I walked with you is a step towards the destination of my heart.

I remember the every single glance of your tiny eyes over me; I remember those smiley curves on your lips that you ever passed to me. I remember the every single word you ever said to me.

I remember the hugs of joy,

And now as I am all alone, my heart misses your presence, I miss the happiness that you brought in my life, I miss the feeling of my eyes when they used to look at you every day.

I miss the healing of my heart, which I used to get from your touches.

I miss the stupid activities which made me laugh; I miss the innocence of your face which made me cry.

I remember the pain of waving you goodbye, I remember the joy of seeing you around, I remember the nervousness of waiting of you, I remember the regret of begging you for stay.

My heart aches for the day which never came; my heart is in pain as it didn’t get the chance to see you again.

How can I forget every deadly touch of yours?

Whenever I close my eyes, the moments of that magical time hits my mind, the every tear which rolled through my cheeks seems too familiar…..your absence kills me every time.

baby! i miss your presence

I Miss You..

I never got the chance to tell him how I felt.
How his beautiful smile use to make me melt.
If I could I’d turn back time and make things right.
I’d have kissed him on that very last night.

I wonder if he even remembers our very last night.
How the words he whispered to me sent my heart into flight.
And that was the last time I saw him. Never said goodbye,
If only I hadn’t been so shy.

I never thought I’d miss him so much.
How much I’d miss his laugh, his smile, his touch.
Never did I think he’d be the cause of so much lost sleep.
I hadn’t realised I’d fallen so deep.

I love him more then he’ll ever know and even though
I can’t see him; my love for him continues to grow.
He’s still the only one who ever captured my heart.
I still love him despite how many miles we are apart.

Maybe one day we’ll meet once more.
And I’ll get a chance to tell him that he’s the one my heart beats for.
That I’ve loved him all along and in my arms is where he truly belongs.
Till then ill spend my sleepless nights in yearn
For the one day when he finally return.
I miss you

Still Keep Waiting,,

I looked around,
You're nowhere to be found.
I gazed again,

but you're appearance still nowhere around.
I said your name, hoping you'd answer my call,
The silence responded..

I kept saying it louder and louder,'till my voice go hoarse,
But the quiescent still agonically answers me.
Do you know that I'll keep on waiting?
..Do you know that I'll keep on searching?
Do you know..that I'll keep on beseeching, calling your name?
..Do you know that this suffocation cannot be hold, my dear?

My chest went pounding,
My mind went on, praying.
My soul went drying,
Thirst of the need of thy appearance.
Living in this emptied world of nothingness simply is just worthless...
Worthless without you, worthless without your smile.
Simply still empty, but it's not dried up, this life of mine.
With you, that is..
Waiting..

No matter how long it'll take,
No matter how hopeless it felt,
I'll just keep on waiting..until you come back.
Impossible, sure it does...
Unbelieveable, I felt I wanna crack...
Undurable, I wished to die...
But I'll still keep on waiting, waiting for you to come back.
Was it betrayal, was it just me?
Was it falsehood you made, was it empty hope you gave?
Was it my fault for trusting, was it your fault to give in?
Whose was it, what was it..?
It all come back, fled to me like a soaring wave..
Days passed, I'm still here..
Time keep moving, days won't go back..
All the regrets I've been spending on, I'll keep on waiting.
All the thoughts of assuring myself sink to nothing,
All negative possibilities conquer my dreams..my wish, my sanctuary..

Sometimes I wonder..
If God does exist, did He heard me..?
Did He heard my prayer, my wish and only hope...?
Would He proceed to give me hope, or would He let me be in despair, misery..?
Doubt filled my mind, rushing in... ...But I'll still keep on waiting for you to come back~

Who am I... To You ??

We were been so known to each other still i find you so known at times,it 's really hard for me to judge what you thinking at a time. Sometimes you show me you care the very other moment you show that i am nothing to you.
Share with me your silence but can't ever tell me your feelings. You can tell me about all the world but can never show me your real face. You always keep thinking about something or the other, that gives me a hope might be that thought is about me. But the very next moment you make me realize that i am wrong, it was never me.
Wasn't i the person who have problem for trusting  people, then how are you finding it so difficult to trust me. What is the fear that's round your head.  How to turn your silence into words, how to know your feelings, how to know my importance in your life. How to know you?
What are afraid of, what are you hiding from? Is that anything related to your past? Has something pricked you very much for which you decided to put away from everything and everybody.
I wont ever ask you about your past, cause i know that, those might be hurting moments, but how much time would you stay away from present just because you fear about your past.
How would you move ahead in future if you don't leave the hands of past and move ahead to your future. What is that you are afraid for? Responsibility, attachment, bondage?? But relations are not a strings that would throw out your freedom, its just a tie up with other person. It just put a hand on yours, but as a pillar not as a weight.
What do you strive for, what do you desire, please tell me, i am hear right behind you wanting to hear something from you, wanting to be caught and brought right beside you. Even i wish for walking the path of life hand in hand together, with happiness and sorrows. There might be troubles that come forward, but you step once and the other time i would do the same trying to move out of that trials.
From the days i have been in your life i have seen you been in loads of troubles, and i know how courageously you come out of all those difficulties. When you win over all trials then why not yourself, your fear, your feelings that you keep hiding.
Why do you have this feeling that no one would understand your feelings, it's of no use in this cruel world. When i am all the way near you waiting for you to understand my feelings.
Why do i shed my tears thinking about you caring about you, when even after showing all affection all that i hear is that you are alone and you feel no one is with you. Have you ever thought how do i feel about all those things.
Ever such words just pierce my heart like a needle, wanting to ignore but can't help my ears hearing your hatred, your ignorance. Why are you like this and when and how would i meet the guy i am searching for all these years.
When would i?? Or can say, would i ever get it??

Dreams that seems blurred..

My dreams not just a dream but a reason for my breath..
For every goal to achieve there are many steps that needs to climb to reach that peak.
I believe that there few steps that i have climbed, with all the efforts and patience,
And today when i feel so close to another step, everything went blurred.
The reason for this blur is as today i feel that the hand that caught me,
the shoulder that i felt is always there beside me at every walk of my life seems missing.
Even strangers would be happy to see a person trying so hard to climb upstairs.
But how to keep pace when we come to know that our own father can't stand with us in our success,
For every success there lies lot of efforts and patience and most important many people's blessings and support.
And here i am finding that my successful steps is somewhere the reason for my father's troubles,
How can a father not be happy to see his child climbing the mountains to success,
How can he feel disheartened just hearing from outsiders feeling jealous of that position.
Why cant he see that those people for whom he fights with his own family are only using him and his position.
Why can't he just support his own daughter.
Why just he makes us believe that he is unhappy to be with us.
And he doesn't really care for all that we plan something good.
Why do he makes me feel everytime that he don't really care of what i win or lose,
All that matters is his prestige, but how can he ignore this fact that everything that i do is somewhere somepoint just for him and his prestige.
After all that efforts when i have to patient enough for the result,
I hear that he never wish for a positive result, all that he wants is he and his prestige.
Why there has to be an ego coming in front between and father and a child, both are in same boat, huh.
Why does he keep telling he never wished for a girl, why do he repent for letting us study.
What makes him feel that this education makes children use their brain and its this education that give them wings to fly ahead then their father.
But isn't this education that make us self- dependent, is thisself dependency that's coming in our path.
But like every baby bird learns to fly from their parents and one fine day she herself learns to fly,
Isn't this the rule of life, then why you so disappointed.
Why..??

Heart's apart...

I am totally broken very badly,

that i am afraid to ever get myself back.

I have never been so quiet with a darkness on my face along with tears filled on my glowing eyes.

Why have i been in this state?? I was never to face this feelings..

With all the practical thoughts and plans that i carried with me of all my life.

Then from where did someone knocked the door of my life..

Wanting to enter to the forbidden door,

How much efforts had you taken but today this door is in your name..

And all after this, i happen to make a choice, to leave my life all by myself.

If i had to leave you and throw you out of my life.

I would have done at the time i had realized that you are not my right man.

Even after all the distress i tried to adjust and compromise with myself.

Making myself feel that you can be my only future..

I do realize that you are undergoing from trials and troubles,

But how can you ask me to move out of your life..

How can you try to hurt me so badly,

that i literally fall over my knees.. for my happiness and my peace..

I still remember that you had once told that i am the only reason for your life..

Then why were you say that you wanna end up the life.. things turned better..

  But now that i must move out of your life..

Why am i no more the reason for your breath.. If i am how can i myself push you out of my life..

How can you be so insane?? that you cant even see the despair am going through..

I do know what you are going through, that was the only reason to forgive your all hurts..

There was a time when you were falling for my smile and those sparkling eyes..

But i suppose there is nothing left expect a swollen eye and a dull face..whose almost forgotten to truly laugh..

I don't know what to say, all i know is this feeling that i am going through is not to face..

Even when i have some good time with my friends, i get quiet all of a sudden..

Can't come out of the trials we are facing through..

Can't move out of the pain going in my heart..

And i suppose i can never move out of this ever in my life..