Just for today.. I will live..

As the light shines through my window I awaken.

I am reminded once more that today is another day stolen from borrowed time.

Today I will live and live to will. I will be thankful for all I love and all I have.

Every breath taken in shall be full as I take in the world around me.
 

I will push away the pain, hide my tears and sorrow and drown out all that threatens my very being.
 

Today I will climb that rock and sit on top staring and soaking in the beauty of nature, of life.
 

I will let the wind whisper in my ears and flow through me filling my every sense, breathing life once more into my soul.
 

Just for today I shall truly live, making the best of everything, because I know as the sun sets and sleeps, so shall I.
 

I will be there once more to watch the last ray of the sun dissappear, knowing that it one day may never awaken me.
 

Just for today I will live.

I am sorry- for not being Daddy' s girl..

A "Daddy's Girl", I'll never be. 
I'm not sure why but it seems my father just doesn't know how to be a father. At least not to me. He's a great uncle, brother, but father seems to confuse him to no end. I use to think if I was just smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, that maybe, just maybe he'd notice me. He never did. 

My one flaw was I was born a girl. I guess being born a girl wasn't what he wanted. He hasn't remembered my birthday, well that was not the same when it came to his birthday, Christmas presents, birthdays, all the special occasions when there would be something from "daddy" was my mom's doing. She didn't want me to be left unwanted. I've come to grips with it but it still hurts & I still find myself trying to be perfect so that no other man I love will ever find me lacking.... like my father does.

I know it's stupid, but a woman needs to know her daddy loves her. It can screw up her whole self image & the way she looks at men & the world when he doesn't acknowledge her or even care enough to spend the time getting to know her. 

But i have been running all my life proving myself, with a hope that atleast one fine day he would notice that even i do care for him. And what he feels about a girl, a women- whose not fit for anything but household chores. I really want to prove him that we are more than that, although one fine day we have to get married and go to another house. But we ourself can make our identity.

We have kept your name attached with ours and later our husband's but that's not because we don't or cant but we love you more than you think we can.

Well, i really hope you understand what you have done to my life, cause its all because of you, i cant trust my own self, and hate 'male' community itself. I have kept fighting with them and all the world trying to get a stand of my identity.

Sorry but although you have given me your name, but that's not what we need- we need a support, love and care. A trust that whatever the life shows us- my father: the first man of my life was, is and will always be by my side.

Alas!! I have been all alone. But really i am tired now, cause i have tried my level best to be someone you wanted. But dad, however i try to show my love i am sorry but i cant be daddy's girl.

TO ALL THE FATHERS OUT THERE READING THIS, LOVE YOUR KIDS. SPEND TIME WITH THEM. LET THEM KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT MAY HAPPEN BETWEEN YOU & THEIR MOTHER, YOU WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM. IT'S IMPORTANT......... MORE IMPORTANT THAN I CAN EVER EXPRESS THROUGH WORDS. BE THERE & ALWAYS CARE ENOUGH TO LEARN WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO THEM! THEY'RE ONLY CHILDREN FOR A SHORT TIME BUT HOW YOU DEAL WITH THEM CAN MARK THEM FOR LIFE. MAKE SURE IT'S A GOOD MARK. PLEASE!

I think about it all the time

There are nights where I think about how our relationship would be
if things were different

If we could laugh
if we could joke around
if we could cry together
and share our deepest thoughts,

If I could tell you my secrets
and you could tell me yours

if you could hold me when I need you
to make me feel safe in your arms

I wonder how it would feel
being loved by my father
without his ego coming between us


I think about it all the time

Back to old good memories...

Its such a beautiful feeling, when you get in touch your past memories that had been dumped in some corner of the memory box. And all of a sudden someone knock that door and bring back all in life. Well, i had never experienced it- might be cause i never let anyone come back to me, once they pass by.

But i happened to meet this person, after quite a long time. Well i am still with such a smile on my face, might be that's the magic of your old good memories, they never leave you alone. They might bring a tear on your eye and also a smile when you are all alone.

Till now, it was those sad memories that made me feel low every time i think about it. But this is first time after such a long time that there made me happy flashing back in my mind. So strange that you suddenly see all those incidents back like a movie, well, some really stupid that we feel so idiotic, but then that's the fun part, right??

I am happy that i spoke with my one of old buddy whose been such a caring person, well for the fact- he was quiet with loads of patience, cause he either never had much to share, or never had courage to speak with us, cause i would never leave him alone from my bakwas. Still he has been standing with whatever pranks i played with him.

Well back to the topic, i am glad that he opened those hidden memories that brought smile that i otherwise wouldn't have, really good friends are precious- you never know when you need, so wrong perception about me, that i keep running away from everyone, including them.

For the fact, i am aware one thing that all my good friends wont ever get angry on me, for whatever i do, well even if they do get- they wont break their friendship, not only for the fact that they have a huge heart but then common, i am antique- they wont find such a piece of crackpot again.. lolzz.. (praising myself... :)

Sometimes its really hard to see the times not moving- as if, it has applied glue to itself. But when you hold on with your memories- specially such good ones that too with your buddies. Bet me it would run like its been chased by a dog.. ;)

Well, i would keep writing on and on.. and wont end cause its anyways a never ending topic, so i end up with a brief- Don't lose your dear ones, its hard to find another one...

This too will pass away

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be -

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me -

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That "darkness will fade in the morning"
And that this will pass away, too -

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break "all the chains"
That are binding me tight in "the Darkness"
And trying to fill me with fear -
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that "my morning" is near.

Still i rise...

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

If you forget me..

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

A dream within a dream..

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

Happy Rules to Life Life Happily..

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.

FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
 
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
 
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
 
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
 
NINE... Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
 
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
 
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
 
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
 
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
 
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
 
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
 
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
 
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
 
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
 
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
 
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice
 
TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.